The Joy of Surrender
You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11
For the longest time I walked my own path, not the path that God had planned for me. Of course, I didn't know what that meant. From early childhood, my life was full of chaos, anxiety, and uncertainty. After the birth of my first child, my physical health started taking a steep decline. That took a toll on my mental health, my marriage, and my family.
After a decade of deteriorating health, I found myself in a CDU, paralyzed, and with no answers as to why. I had been there for over 24 hours, had seen every kind of doctor, and had been given all the tests that they knew to give. My last test was an MRI, and I was so anxiety ridden that I could not keep my head still for the procedure. Up until that point, I had been praying, but bargaining with God for what I thought I needed.
Finally, there was a moment that I gave in and said, "Father, I give up. Please take this from me. I will follow your path and I will accept what fate lies before me." In that moment, a calm washed over me, and I knew that everything would be okay.
That was the moment that I started praying and listening for God to show me the path of life that I should be walking. That was the start of him becoming my source of strength and refuge in all situations. I grew confident that he would guide me in all things. I developed a sense of peace in all kinds of situations. The chaos and the anxiety of uncertainty no longer had control of me. I knew that I was being held securely in my Heavenly Father's hand. I can now find joy in even the hardest of situations, by focusing on the loveliness of my Savior. It gives me peace and the fullness of his joy.
Heavenly Father, I praise and thank you for your great goodness towards me, and the many blessings that you shower on each one of us day-by-day. Be with me each step of the way and help me to keep my eyes trained on you. Thank you, Father, that you have made known to me the path of life in Christ Jesus, my Savior, in whose name I pray. Thank you that in your presence is the fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. Amen.