Just as I am
Our steps are made firm by the Lord, when he delights in our way; though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand.
Psalm 37: 23-24
My mother always took us to church; however, I really didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus; I was simply going through the motions. When I was fifteen at cheer camp, my roommate introduced me to Jesus. It was absolutely amazing, and I decided immediately that I was going to become perfect so that I was worthy of His love. Obviously, I had missed the point of belonging to Jesus.
For way too many years of my life, I spent it striving for perfection in all things: work, service, body image.
I attended Women’s Retreats, led Bible Studies, studied His Word, but I simply did not believe that He could love me since I would continue to fall short of what I believed to be His expectations. Taking communion was a huge challenge for me because I knew I had no right to accept the Body and Blood of Jesus. I knew He loved and accepted others, but how could He love me since I would continue to stumble?
When I attended Celebrate Recovery (CR) in 2009, I came to know who Jesus is and just how much He loves me. It started with Principle 1: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. It is neither about attaining perfection nor striving to gain His love. I have it already- Just as I am. So now, I do my best to take things one day at a time- to be still, to pray, to listen to His voice to guide my next steps- knowing that I will continue to stumble but understanding fully that He loves me and that He can delight in my ways as I continue to strengthen my relationship with Him one day at a time.
Father, I am so very thankful for your unconditional love. You ask that I love you and love others. You encourage me to be your hands and feet on my day to day journey doing your will, not mine. Teach us to remain steadfast in you so that you are our guide in all things. Remind us that you hold us tightly by the hand; we simply need to hold on. Amen