46. He who has been granted divine knowledge and has through love acquired its illumination will never be swept hither and thither by the demon of self-esteem. But he who has not yet been granted such knowledge will readily succumb to this demon. However, if in all that he does he keeps his gaze fixed on God, doing everything for His sake, he will with God’s help soon escape.

St. Maximus the Confessor Four Hundred Centuries on Love: #46

In the rich tapestry of spiritual life, there are many threads that one must weave with care and precision. There is such a fine and insidious thread of the allure of self-esteem: the kind that puffs up, not with a real sense of worth, but with the vanity of one's own accomplishments and spiritual standing. An insidious enemy, who can easily spoil the cloth of our spiritual progress, with his oily mutterings, and false promises of glory.

Take the ancient myth of Icarus, whose waxen wings melted as he flew too high up towards the sun, taking no heed of the cautionary advice in maintaining a middle course. The sun in this tale is akin to the dangerous allure of self-esteem that can undo a person. Thus, divine knowledge is the "middle way," the safe altitude one maintains through the light of love—a love that looks not to self but to God.

An enlightened soul orbited the sun of divine knowledge, tracing an inflexible path, one in which neither deviated too close nor left too far behind. Indeed, this sort of knowledge born of love shall work as an anchor not to be swept by every gust of pride or a desire for recognition. It engenders a humility that is not that of self-abasement but of realization from whence comes that wisdom or virtue which it may possess.

But to this knowledge the soul is accessible, to which it has not yet been given, waits the demon of self-esteem, preprepared to jump upon every good deed, upon every step toward spiritual betterment. It distorts the mirror of the soul, reflecting back not the true image but a magnified, distorted one.

This spiritual vanity is to be shunned nowise by making studies or desiring virtue to cease from us, but only to be counterpoised with taking off the center of endeavors and fixing our look firmly upon God. Every act, every decision, every moment of contemplation must be tethered to the divine will. It is a deliberate reorientation of our intentions, always synchronized with the purposes of God such that whatever one does does not arise as sacrifices to the ego but as the source of all goodness and wisdom.

In this theological vision, the soul that "fixes her gaze upon God" is "emptying herself," so that God's presence can fill the empty space. The soul becomes a vessel of divine action, doing everything for His sake, and in this vessel there is no place for the swelling tides of vanity.

With steadfast devotion, the soul may, doubtless, escape the snares of self-esteem, helped by grace. It's a journey that calls for perseverance, for the constant reorientation of the heart towards God. "If we are going to chart our course across this mighty ocean through the spiritual waters of life, then the stars of divine knowledge must be to us what they are to the mariner—a new-washed eye.

Let us then seek this knowledge with a heart of love, a soul of humility, and a spirit of devotion. For in possessing it we gain not merely the safeguard from the wiles of vanity, but an intimacy with the divine which is the true end and fulfilment of all our longings.